Product Description
Ron Deal explodes the myth of the “blended” family as he provides practical, realistic solutions to the issues that stepfamilies face. He helps remarried and soon-to-be married couples Recognize the unique personali… More >>
The Smart Step-Family: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family
Written by admin on July 1st, 2010 in Parenting & Families.
Tags: Family, Healthy, Seven, Smart, StepFamily, Steps
If you want to feel empowered, inspired, comforted and renewed about your steplife, read this book. In his straightforward and calming manner, author Ron Deal brings hope and healing into a stepparent’s life in this easy-to-follow volume based on Christian principles. For the stepparent-to-be, the new stepparent or the veteran, this book is a lighthouse in a stormy world, reassuring us that we can find our way.
Right from the introduction, the overwhelmed reader breathes a sigh of relief and enjoys the reminder that there are, indeed, healthy stepfamilies out there, and having one is a real possibility. Deal gives us a deeply comforting and proactive approach to our steplives, zeroing in on the practical steps we can take right now. We’re all willing to work hard for our families, but if we don’t work on the right things, it won’t matter. Work smarter, Deal says. That involves two things very much within our control: understanding stepfamily life and making intentional decisions about living that life.
Deal points out some “key stepping-stones” that we’ll need every day. These attitudes and perspectives will enable us to overcome obstacles and take advantage of the opportunities around us. They include Spiritual Integrity, Listening and Understanding, Perseverance, Commitment, Patience, Flexibility and Humor. It sounds basic, but Deal shows us how to master these skills so that we can have a more healthy and peaceful life all around.
With strikingly appropriate Biblical parallels, Deal likens the steplife we all want to the Promised Land the Israelites found after years of wandering. May of us stepparents wander for years, too, often wanting to give up. Deal’s reminder that God won’t abandon us either is just the beginning of the comfort and inspiration this book offers.
Deal lays out the seven steps in the journey to the “Stepfamily Promised Land.” Each one is clearly explained, and their presentation contributes to the book’s message of encouragement and possibilities. Deal includes studies of a stepparent’s expectations, how important the marriage is in the success of the family, parenting with former spouses and much more. You’ll see yourself time and again in his words, and more importantly, you’ll see how you can make positive contributions to your family, starting today.
The author includes stories of stepfamilies in trouble and stories of those who have made it to the Promised Land. Understanding that the journey is tough for others, too, gives the reader a sense of belonging, along with the impetus to step through the tough times because something good awaits.
Each chapter of the book includes questions and discussion topics to help couples understand each other’s perspective and to guide them in making responsible and healthy decisions. Now that’s working smarter.
Rating: 5 / 5
The Smart Step-Family: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family provides a much-needed Christian perspective to the process of building a healthy step-family. Ron has done some serious research and has called upon his therapist background to provide step-parents with some very practical suggestions to make the complex relationships work.
Too often, churches are unable to provide counseling and guidance for step-families and, in fact, they sometimes consider them as second-class. Ron helps to give a Biblical framework for acceptance.
I recommend the book highly and I recommend that churches consider hosting one of Ron’s seminars. Having attended one, I can say they are extremely helpful.
Rating: 5 / 5
I’ll keep it short and to the point. My wife and I could have benefited tremendously from this book if we would have known about it sooner. Only after a year and a half of remarriage did we find ourselves in need of a tool to help and encourage us. We were amazed at how clearly the book identified the exact issues we were facing in our stepfamily. We are currently going through it a second time and are getting so many helpful tips from it. It is a reassurance to us that the issues we are going through are very typical for a stepfamily and at the same time we have a plan and a new attitude to apply to all of the unique situations we continually find ourselves in. This book is a must read for any stepfamily. Preferrably before you remarry.
Rating: 5 / 5
The BottomLine is that this is the best book for step families that speaks from the Christian perspective. Integrating families is the biggest challenge of any family type and this book gently inspires and motivates as it answers numerous questions. Personally, as a member of an integrated family, I LOVE this book and it’s message. As a professional Marriage and Family Therapist working with dozens of clients, this book is the best resource for the ever changing, challenging blended family. I recommend it for ALL of my step parent clients and for every one in all of the support groups I do that involve integrating families. GREAT for newly divorced individuals – supportive but also tells you straightforward what you’ll be getting yourself into if you remarry with kids in the home!
Rating: 5 / 5
One of the wedding gifts that I’ve enjoyed tremendously is a crockpot from my cousin with an accompanying cookbook. Being clueless about meat preparation and marrying into a family of carnivores, it didn’t take me long to christen the crockpot my favorite kitchen appliance. I can just throw a few things in there to make a nice dinner and it even makes the house smell wonderful. I’ve enjoyed reading a book this month that uses a metaphor about slow cookers to teach readers how to “cook” their stepfamily. It’s a helpful visualization to understand how it takes both time and patience.
The book I’m talking about is “The Smart Stepfamily: Seven Steps to a Healthy Stepfamily by Ron L. Deal and published by Bethany House Publishers in 2002. Written from a Christian perspective, this book is built around seven themes. It encourages stepfamilies to discover a redemptive God who loves, forgives and is with them on their journey into stepfamily-hood. Adjusting your expectations is the key focus of the chapter with the slow cooker metaphor, helping readers understand that creating a stepfamily takes time and low heat.
Placing your marriage as a top-priority, is a key tenet with Deal, and he advises stepfamilies to understand that parents and stepparents have different roles to live out and not to force people into old nuclear family roles who are not comfortable in them. The section on common pitfalls has advice on loss and grief, the already looming holidays, family meetings and finances. A chapter with questions posed by real stepfamilies features advice from a variety of family counselors.
Discussion questions at the end of each chapter are segmented for already-married couples and premarital counseling. The section at the back of the book on stepfamily ministry for churches is an excellent start at helping churches be more sensitive to stepfamily needs and is long overdue (as a side note-our church was so confused about our relationships to each other that they still mail two sets of newsletters to our house). An excellent reference section and a sample form you can use to authorize medical treatment of your stepchildren round out the book.
Deal has a great website loaded with advice and articles (plus several products) at http://www.successfulstepfamilies.com that will help anyone trying to make a go of a stepfamily.
I was pleasantly surprised to discover that he even reads his email and writes back to his readers. I wrote to thank him for writing such a great book and posed a tricky question I’ve been wrestling with in my own family situation. His response was both speedy and thoughtful, so I encourage you to check out his articles and his book.
Rating: 5 / 5